The Perennial Path: Dying to self

"When people get taken over by the ego to such an extent, there is nothing else in their mind except the ego. They can no longer feel or sense their humanity - what they share with other human beings, or even with other life forms on the planet. They are so identified with concepts in their minds that other human beings become concepts as well." - Eckhart Tolle

In the previous post we explored the perennial truth of non-duality - the idea that beneath and through all of our differences there is a common unity. This unity can be understood in various ways: the common matter and material from which all things exist and grow, our interdependence on the external world for our survival and thriving, or the common Spirit, given by God, that animates and gives life and breath to all living things. In some mysterious way, our true identity is found in union with God and all of creation.

But union is not always easy to see. Despite the fact that our bodies would quickly cease to live without the air, water, and food we take in from outside ourselves - we live under the illusion that we are a separate, independent, and autonomous individual. As we grow from a child we learn to distinguish mine from yours, and us from them. The more we divide the world into categories, the harder it becomes to see what we share in common. And so our sense of "self" emerges - full of labels, identities, beliefs, and traits that differentiate me from you. It's this false self that results in all kinds of selfish attitudes and behaviors as we seek our own good above the good of others, and often at the expense of others.

Despite the fact the we construct this concept of self, it tends to become our primary identity - it becomes who we believe we are. Various religious traditions tell us that to discover our true identity we have to die to this constructed idea of a separate self. This is the underlying truth behind the Christian concept of kenosis (self-emptying), as well as the Buddhist concept of anatta (non-self). It's what the apostle Paul points to as he says, "I no longer live, but Christ in me" and what the Sufi poet Rumi refers to when he says, "I have died to myself and I live for you." Jesus used the analogy of a grain of wheat saying, "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it bears much fruit."

For those of us accustomed to taking spiritual truths too literally, this is not talking about martyrdom or physical death. This is instead speaking of a death that occurs before death. In this death to self we loosen our grip on our desires, expectations, and possessions as we realize that nothing was ever "mine" to begin with. With an open hand towards the world, we learn to give and receive freely because our own good is now inseparably linked to the good of all. Once we die to our false, separate self we begin to see that when one of us is suffering, we all suffer. Once we die to self, we can experience true love and joy for someone else even if we stand to gain nothing individually.

From this truth emerges many of the spiritual disciplines that help us see beyond this false identity. Fasting, prayer, meditation, silence, solitude, stillness - all of these, if done with intention, can help us see through the eyes of the True Self that is observing and aware of our egoic identity doing what egos do. If we are tempted to act in our own self interest at the expense of someone else, we can pause and observe that behavior without identifying with it and more easily change course. We can experience our emotions rather than being controlled by them. We can play with our identity rather than being imprisoned by it. We can learn from others instead of insisting on our own beliefs. As we continue to die to our constructed false identity we begin to see the world differently and are now free to embrace reality, with all its expressions, with a common affirmation of its goodness and work together to reconcile that which remains separate, alone, and apart.

“To the extent that you eliminate ego from your activities, God comes into them – but no more and no less. Begin with that, and let it cost you your uttermost. In this way, and no other, is true peace to be found.” - Meister Eckhart