Contemplating Life & Death (Part 2)

Many discussions about our mortality attempt to bypass the emotional pain of suffering and death. Human suffering, and even animal suffering, is frequently seen as the ultimate question that no religion or philosophy has been able to provide a satisfying answer for. For many, it is difficult to imagine a good or loving God allowing the amount of pain and suffering we witness and experience. How hard would it be to create a world without disease or carnivorous creatures, after all? Without answers to these questions, many are left with a looming and unresolved angst around the topic of death and suffering.

Many of us have heard unsatisfying explanations for suffering which often attempt to sugarcoat or minimalize the actual pain and grief. Others just try not the think about it by distracting themselves with various pleasures or endless work. Instead of trying to explain away or run away from suffering, mystics from various religions have attempted to change our relationship to suffering by accepting, rather than resisting, its unavoidable presence in our lives.

“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?” – Edgar Allan Poe

In a non-dualistic worldview, we are invited to see and accept the whole of reality as it is. Non-duality allows us to withhold our judgements about what does or does not belong in the world, and instead engage the world just as it is. This approach is in contrast to a dualistic worldview that divides reality into our own categories of good and evil. Whatever we decide is bad must be avoided or destroyed. If we can turn death and evil into a villain to be defeated, then we don't have to see those realities in ourselves. What often results from dualism is an illusory existence that hides our awareness from the parts of reality we do not like. To ignore and resist suffering makes us less able to cope when it inevitably arrives on our doorstep.

To be clear, as much as we are able, we should exercise our ability to alleviate suffering wherever we encounter it. Acceptance does not mean seeking out or reveling in the suffering of anyone, not for ourselves and not for our greatest enemy. Likewise, acceptance does not mean apathy towards suffering. On the contrary, acceptance of suffering allows us to face the causes of suffering with our eyes fully open, including any role we might play in creating suffering. By accepting the reality of suffering we are better able to take action and be agents of healing. Only once we accept reality as it is are we then able to affect any real change.

“The way we regard death is critical to the way we experience life. When your fear of death changes, the way you live your life changes.” – Ram Dass

As far as death in concerned, resisting the reality of our mortality only increases our suffering. In accepting our mortality, we are better positioned to care for our physical and mental health. In accepting our mortality, we are better able to see life as a gift that should never be taken for granted. In accepting our mortality, we are able to be fully present and better appreciate the people in our lives. In accepting our mortality, we are able to fully grieve those who die before us while embracing, rather than resisting, the emotions that follow. And then, as with all suffering, we can surrender our sense of control as life once again offers itself to us.

If we turn our back and hide from the reality of pain and death, their shadows will loom large over all we see. But if we face them head on, they will take their place among all the light that is offered to us. In time we may learn to hold life and death together, like a minor chord within a symphony or a bitter herb sprinkled atop a feast. With both hands open and extended we cling neither to life nor death, but instead receive this moment with all the beauty and love it offers.